Who Gets Heard at Work

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“You know, I hate to even mention gender, but…”

Be honest, how many times have you heard a version of that sentence or said it yourself?

Earlier this year, I caught myself doing it a lot.

My go-to disclaimer is usually something like, “I wish gender wasn’t part of the conversation anymore, but the reality is that it is and…”

We all have our version of this phrase. It acts like a softener. A hedge. A way to talk about something we know is true, but might make someone uncomfortable to acknowledge. And more often than not, I hear it from women. Leaders, founders, executives. Smart, accomplished professionals who’ve learned to observe, accommodate, and navigate unspoken dynamics—often invisibly.

Because here’s the truth:

Gender shows up at work. Whether we name it or not.

It shows up in...

... Who gets interrupted.
... Who's expected to take the notes or organise the birthday cards.
... Who gets credit for ideas.
... How directness is perceived (assertive in one body, abrasive in another).
... Who gets the benefit of the doubt.

But here’s the thing we don’t talk about enough:

We also communicate differently, not because of biology, but because of how we’re socialised.


Communication Isn’t Just What You Say, It’s How You’ve Been Taught to Say It

Research shows that men are more likely to use direct, single-focused communication. It’s outcome-oriented, structured, and goal-driven. Think: “What’s the bottom line?” or “Let’s solve the problem and move on.”

Women, on the other hand, are often socialised into multi-focused communication. It’s relational, nuanced, and inclusive. It considers how people feel as well as what needs to get done. It’s the glue that often holds team dynamics together, even if it doesn’t always get recognised as “leadership.”

Neither style is inherently better, but problems start when one is consistently valued more than the other. When what we call “executive presence” is built around traditionally masculine norms. When collaboration is dismissed as weakness. When listening is seen as passivity. When relational intelligence isn’t counted as intelligence at all.


So What Do We Do With This?

This isn’t about reinforcing stereotypes. It’s about making the invisible visible, so we can be more conscious of how we show up, how we lead, and how we listen.

Ask yourself:

• What kind of communication do I default to under stress?

• What styles do I value in others, and which do I dismiss or overlook?

• Am I adapting my style to make space for others, or am I unconsciously expecting others to adapt to mine?

If you lead a team, this isn’t optional. Your team already knows how these dynamics show up—they just might not have the language for it. And naming it can be one of the most powerful things you do.


And One More Thing…

If you’ve ever been told you’re “too much,” “too emotional,” “too aggressive,” or “not a team player,” chances are, gender played a role in how your communication was received.

It’s not just about being “better communicators.” It’s about building systems, teams, and cultures where all communication counts, not just the kind that comes in a suit and tie.

In this conversation, with Elizabeth Bachman, we discuss gendered communication styles, why multi-focus thinking matters, and how to show the value of things not going wrong.

It’s one of my favourite episodes yet.

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Elizabeth Bachman is THE go-to person for advanced-level training in Speaking, Presentation Skills, and Leadership. With a lifetime spent perfecting the art of presenting, she helps high-level clients show up as a leader who should be followed, promoted or hired, thus getting the recognition they deserve. A sought-after speaker and strategist in Silicon Valley, nationally and internationally, Elizabeth works with leaders and influencers who need to become concise and compelling presenters. Having spent over 30 years directing such luminaries as Luciano Pavarotti & Placido Domingo in more than 50 operas around the world, Elizabeth brings a wealth of tools to help business professionals become respected presenters. Fluent in 5 languages, she brings her global experience to her clients.

Learn more about Elizabeth and her work at elizabethbachman.com. Or connect with her on social…
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/elizabethbachman
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